Some days are better but most days are not
On the better days, whatever I convince myself to do, I'd be able to do it
I could also go out for a walk or walking to the groceries store to buy what I needed
I'd clean the house, wash the clothes
Though that better days always seem to dim later on in the day
I'd receive a text message from my mom or sister or a call from them, lecturing me or pressuring me about something
Lately it's about money and my studies
While I do love both of them more so my mom, but I do feel trap all the time and hopeless
Even during better days, I'd wake up slightly earlier than I normally would but still never before noon
I read somewhere it says that because some people are unhappy thats why it's like that
I'm not entirely unhappy
I wake up very early, thinking what goal will I achieve today, then I start thinking of the what ifs
What if I don't get it? What if I run out of money? What if they look down on me? What if I can't catch up?
I know that I'm long overdue certain things in my life that I need to settle
It's just that I do not have enough positive motivation to do it
Positive because if I overthink will bad outcomes, I tend to sink back into my bed
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